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For all who want to know the outcome of the case against Okwaho Euler:

https://catronian.jouwweb.nl/news-and-gossip

Enjoy, cheers

I humbly admits and apologizes for not presiding at the Court hearing on da 27th of October, the year of Catronia 23. But dere is circumstances I would likes to present in my defense.

Dere has been vishus rumor being spread dat I was drunks and dat why I not at Court. I present as evidence da well-knowed fact dat Dwagons cannot gets drunk. Any alcohol dat we consumes is instantly burned up in our fire bellies. In truth a Dwagon can drink a whole keg of rum and not eben be tipsys. This is widely knowed... and is da main reason why innocent Dwagons is often chased out of taverns. Well, dere other reasons too, but dat da main one.

Wot really happened: Shortly before da court I was examining da eggs in my home nest (waiting for siblings to hatch), and I finded a fresh plate of cookies someone putted dere for me. Is obvious it was for me 'cos no one else was around. I eated da cookies of course, cos I a Dwagon and well... COOKIES!

Next thing I knows, I in a very strange world called "Real Life", which is very different from Catronia. Is not first time I been dere, cos when I was in Elf Clan da Dwagons and Orks went dere, where we learned about Star Trek and Warhammer 40k. It is a very magical land where dey flies wifout flapping wings and ships maked of metal actually floats! (I not kidding. Really does! Metal ships!)

Since I remembered where da Portal Gate was to get back to Catronia, I flew dere as quick as I could, but it taked some time. By da time I managed to return, da Court was already over. I was very sad sad sad cos I had been looking forward to da Court for three weeks... but dat Real Life world sometimes gets in da way of more important things.

WHAT I PRESENTS is da concept of skullduggery. Someone who was afraid of being tried by a very sensible an reliable Dwagon must have DRUGGED dem cookies, and then taked me to da other world. I not knows who did it, but dere only two cases to be tried dat day. I do know dat despite evidence I had gathered, da alleged perpetrator was pronounced innocents, and I not had a chance to point out hard-to-see NAVY stamp on two of bottles on second shelf of photo. But is okay because perpetrator could haz pleaded insanity anyway. I mean, who in right mind would steal NAVY rum when quality Pirate Rum is so cheap? Right?

Still, Governor Morgan had my back and stood in for me and I very much appreciates. Is nice to know dat Court was still held despite my being kidnapped to da Real Life World. So I respectfully objects to being sticked in prison place, which I might note I could fire-breath out of pretty easy if I wanted to, but I won't because I is so respectable dwagon.

Humbly yours,

-- Judge Snoots Dwagon

I think authorities must always be careful to eat thingies that was put close to a nest or sleeping place. This is probably a weakness of your honorable Judge, a waffle, cookies, cupcakes and other forms of cake addiction. We have seen that before, after scavenging our bakery the fermentation of all the cake made him spit large fireballs and set the whole office of Port Celyddon Navy on fire. Is a diet a good idea?
Plus, the bribery suggestion needs more attention too!

By the way, we have seen Okwaho Euler building a new tall ship, with new polished cannons and black sails. He baptized it with the name
“Bugger”. Something is going on… you better stay awake

Well, yeah... but dey was controlled fireballs. I didn't burn nuthin' down. Didn't even singe someone's hair (for once). Dwagons is innocents. Any claims to contrary was Photoshopped and Deepfaked. (I read those words in da Town Cryer.)

(Which really, would be a great name for the Catronian newspaper. mwahahhahaaaaa.... )