Virtually Newsworthy News

[Constance Peregrine]

~ Renowned Virtual Geneticist Honoured ~

Dr. Gene Sliser, renowned Virtual Genetics Researcher, four time winner of the prestigious Golden Phi Award & holder of many other awards, has been nominated for the Pi Peace Prize for his groundbreaking work in virtual genetics.

This nomination is for his work in combining Digital Nucleic Analogs (DNA) with Redundant Networked Assets (RNA). Understanding the processes involved in this is key to understanding the fundamental building blocks of who and what we are.

[ further info @: http://www.kitely.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=592 ]

[Constance Peregrine]

~ Rival Scientist Also Nominated ~

Dr. Deidre Butler has also been nominated for this year's Pi Peace Prize for her work in the field of Toxicology. Dr Butler is well known for her work on the Hyacinthum Exibeo Mortus toxin.

There has been a long running rivalry between Dr Dee Butler and Dr Gene Slicer, which started in 2011 when Dr Sliser won the Golden Phi Award for that year. When asked, Dr. Butler said "As far as I am concerned, Dr. Sliser is nothing more than a chemist. I have no idea why he was even nominated in 2011, let alone actually given the award. All he did was throw a few technorganic molecules together and, by sheer happenstance, he gets a new fiber for mesh clothing. For that he gets the 2011 Golden Phi Award? My work will save lives and help to maintain system security. That particular award should have rightfully been mine."

When asked about her current work, Dr Butler declined to comment, stating that she did not have authorization to disclose such information due to contractual agreements and security concerns.

Both Dr Sliser and Dr Butler work for Avatar Security Concepts & Innovations, Incorporated (ASCII). ASCII is heavily involved with government and military contracts related to bio-sciences and integrated security systems, primarily in the field of technorganic modification. They currently hold patents for the Frankenfurter and the Cyberger.

[Constance Peregrine]

~ 100 Kilograms Of Wookie Wowee Weed Seized! ~

In a surprise raid last night, 100 kilos of Wookie Wowee Weed (worth over 250,000 Lucre) was seized at the Polar Transfer Station by law enforcement agents of the Tactical Anti-Smuggling Enforcement Regiment.

In a short and unequivocal statement by Gen. May Hemm, commander of TASER, "We cannot and will not allow the importation of such poisonous drugs into Kitely. Not on my watch."

Reports say that the suspects have been refusing to answer any questions. It is unknown who is behind this smuggling attempt. The use of WWW has seen a steady increase across the Metaverse. It is well known that WWW is a gate-way drug to more addictive substances, such as HTTPS and the like.

[Constance Peregrine]

~ Trash Collection Agency Under Fire! ~

There have been recent reports that the National Sanitation Association has been going through the trash they collect.

According to the Association's Executive Director, Alexander Caesar, they are only looking for those things that could damage or tear up the recycling machinery. "There are those out there who add what we call "tearer items" to the trash looking to ruin, or tear up, the recyclers. These Tearists are jealous of our clean streets and seek to destroy our clean way of life. We are able to track where each bag of refuse has been collected from and so we can identify the location of the Tearists though those records."

Concerns have been voiced that such sifting of the bulk trash collected could be used to track law-abiding residents and their habits. It is conceivable that the NSA can determine when your Pizza Night is, whether you pay your bills on time and much more. "Our concern is fighting the Tearists. Some sacrifices have to be made to protect our clean living." says Caesar.

[Constance Peregrine]

~ Always On Industries Announces New Product ~

Always On Industries has recently announced a new addition to its line of shredders, the InCrypt Ion 128. A compact and versatile shredder, the InCrypt Ion 128 is reported as being able to shred your documents and files into 128 bits and pieces at a time.

"Given recent concerns over the privacy of our trash, we bring this new shredder to the market in an effort to alleviate those concerns", says CEO Minnie Thare. "Always On Industries has always been at the forefront of information disposal, and we always will be."

[Constance Peregrine]

~ Developers Named For New Military Prototype ~

General Havuk, commander of the HomeSim Armed Forces, today announced the three leading contenders for producing a working prototype of their new Forward Infiltration and Deception Operative. A year ago, expressions of interest in developing a FIDO prototype were tendered and today marks the next step in the research and development of FIDO, with testing to commence in six months.

The three companies that will be developing the prototype are Avatar Security Concepts & Innovations Inc., TechnOrganic Solutions and the Private Research Organization For Individualized Technologies. Market analysts find no surprise in ASCII being one of the three. Nor do they with TOS, despite their reputation for playing fast and loose with the rules. But the inclusion of PROFIT was something of a surprise since they generally avoid any public acknowledgement of its involvement in the various areas that PROFIT does business in.

[Constance Peregrine]

~ National MacGuffin Day! ~

In celebration of the MacGuffin, a number of events haven't been planned.

>> Event Announcements <<

• The MacGuffin Parade will begin at 12:00 o'clock, noon.

• Ilan's Famous Buttermilk Pancake Breakfast will begin yesterday, sharp!

• Registration for the Rug Rat Races closes at 9:00 o'clock in the morning...ASCII time.

• The Widget Hunt has been cancelled due to last year's disemboweling.

• Reminder: The Pie Eating Contest is NOT an Adult rated event. Keep it to PG dessert item's only...

• The Clowns are NOT serial killers.

TASER has informed us that they will NOT respond to any "mad clown" calls this year.

[Constance Peregrine]

~ Notorious Mercenary/Killer Freed! ~

Neil "Caveman" Anderthall was released from Capone's Centre for Corrective Citizenship this morning for time served with good behaviour. Just a decade ago, "Caveman" was sentenced to twenty years for the theft of the Coordinate Aquisition & Projectile Orientation Weapon Chip. The CAPOW chip is essential in maneuvering our military's unguided missiles.

However, "Caveman" has been a model prisoner over the past ten years, and is now being rewarded for his good behaviour with an early release. Gen. May Hemm, commander of TASER commented "I can scarcely believe it, TASER became involved when we learned that "Caveman" Anderthall was attempting to smuggle goods out of the country. He was so vicious when we brought him in. In fact, two of our officers were hospitalized while trying to put the handcuffs on him. But every single report I've read from the prison says he is a model inmate. Has been since the first day of his sentence. I hear he even joined the prison choir."

A spokesman from Falling Sky Detective Agency said "This is suspicious in it's own right, the prison staff are well known for their corruption, we'll keep an eye on things"

When asked about his future plans, "Caveman" said, "I gots a interview with some guy name McDonald, runs a busy restaurant. We'll see what happens from there."

[Constance Peregrine]

~ Influenza Alert ~

An outbreak of the Trojan Flu has been reported in Elkay City. If you have visited Elkay City in the last ten days, you are urged to see your personal disc doctor for a preventative anti-viral treatment. If you display the symptoms of the Trojan Flu, seek medical attention immediately.

Symptoms include rubber-banding movement, slowing of movement, delays in initiating actions, long load times and pixelation of the extremities.

"Trojan Flu is highly infectious. Please exercise appropriate precautions."

[Constance Peregrine]

~ Metaverse May Be Bigger Than Previously Thought ~

Scientists investigating the strange machine at Regio Excelsior have made a surprising discovery. Our Metaverse is much larger than we think. They now believe that our Kitelyverse is but a small "pocket" within a much larger Metaverse. And that the Metaverse itself is expanding, constantly adding more and more worlds.

Furthermore, they now believe that the whole of the Metaverse has an underlying, connecting "fabric" that they are calling the Hypergrid, and that the machine at Regio Excelsior is a HyperGrid Engine. They are now investigating the possibility of tapping into that HyperGrid. If successful, it could allow us to travel back and forth to those other worlds within a much larger Metaverse, and to do so as easily as we travel from world to world within our Kitelyverse.